Religiooni funktsioonest ühiskonnas

« Tagasi artikli juurde    Artiklile on 1385 kommentaari.

ahvgepards, 2006-01-11 22:12:03

Tavanormid on inimkonna kõige varasem sotsiaalseid suhteid reguleeriv hoob, nende pinnalt kerkis kõlblus; religioon on sootuks uuema aja leiutis.

siin on kaks asja õigesti, see mis puudutab tavanorme ja see, mis puudutab religiooni. aga nad on õiged eraldi komponentidena. ehk sa oled küll neljandas klassis hoolsalt fakte pähe õppinud ja võib-olla said isegi ajaloo viie, aga asjade seostamisega on raskusi. et ülikoolis läheks juba raskeks.

Uuk, Priit, 2006-01-11 22:15:24

Uhh. Napilt läks.

Kuule, kujuta nüüd ette, kui üks vend ühtäkki hirmsa kisaga teisest toast välja kargab, sul paberist noakese ribidesse tsurkab ning hiljem nõuab, - tõesta, et ei löönd või sure ära. Et seda olukorda kuidagi kaasa mängida, eks see ikka omajagu teesklust nõuab. Iseasi, kas just kannatlikuse oma.

Aga üldiselt ja tervikuna - head õhtut!

kaheksa käsku, 2006-01-11 22:18:44

AMERICAN ETHICAL UNION: ETHICALHUMANISM
EIGHT COMMITMENTS OF ETHICAL CULTURE:
http://www.usao.edu/~facshaferi/relren/relren4.htm

priit kelder, 2006-01-11 22:34:04

Ahvgepards, tore on, et ponnnistad, kuid seosetu jutt ei ole lugemiseks kaunis. Saad sa ise ka aru, mida sa selle viimase kommiga ütelda tahtsid?

priit kelder, 2006-01-11 22:34:49

Uuk, rahulikku ööd ja tarmukust ka edasiseks.

ahvgepards, 2006-01-11 23:07:59

Saad sa ise ka aru, mida sa selle viimase kommiga ütelda tahtsid?

Mina saan ikka aru, aga sa ise pole vist neljandast klassist palju kaugemale jõudnud. Vaata, sina väidad küll täitsa õigesti, et maakera on ümmargune ja linnud lendavad ning järeldad selle põhjal, et päike liigub põhjast lõunasse.

Ehk siis, et kuigi loomadel kehtib küll tavaõigus nagu tsivilisatsioonieelsetel inimestel ja religioon tekkis hiljem kui esimesed leiud kromanjoonlastest ja väidad selle põhjal, et metsinimestel oli umbes samasugune ühiskonnakorralduskorraldus nagu sumeri tsivilisatsioonis. ehk siis tahad mongoolia kombel kapitalismi vahele jättes kommunismi ehitama hakata. kahjuks aga asjad niiviisi ei käi. religiooni teke vastas lihtsalt tsivilisatsiooni arengule ja tema tekkimine oli igati seaduspärane ja paratamatu. loomulikult kehtestas religioon ka tsivilisatsiooni arenguks vajalikud kõlblusnormid.
ehk kui sa väidad vastupidist, siis on täitsa loogiline, et mina küsin vastu - mis aastast mis aastani eksisteeris tsivilisatsioon ilma usupiireteta, millele ma ei ole ikkagi vastust kuulnud.

priit kelder, 2006-01-11 23:20:47

Ahvgepards, oled siis ka liitunud siinsete lahtisest uksest sissemurdjate punti. Lisaks veel knigotad, pannes minu suhu sõnu, mida pole öelnud. Tubli pioneer oled, kohe usin Volodja Dubinin. Usu tekke koha pealt soovitan ajalooraamatuid lugeda, sealt leiad, et su kiidetud tsivilisatsioon on ka üpris hiline leiutis, mis järgnes ürgkogukondliku korra aastamiljonitele. Ähmased eelusundlikud kombed (matused ja sinnapanused jmt), mida usussõdalased kangesti ähmis kipuvad suurte religioonide pähe asetama, olid küllap pigem sanitaarseil või traditsiooniajendeil tehtud, kui kultuslikel eesmärkidel. Kuid sa alahindad ürgkogukonda, ent see ei olnud nii atu, kui sa uneled.

priit kelder, 2006-01-11 23:21:24

Eelmises kommis loe: kingotad...

priit kelder, 2006-01-11 23:40:03

Luemismaterjali Ahvgepardsile: Õpetajate Lehe arhiiv: http://www.opleht.ee/Arhiiv/2000/26.05.00/dialoog/1.shtm
Seal olen kirjutanud pikemalt usumüütidest Eestimaal, sh ka ajaloost ja moraalist.
Kuid loen sind siin ikka edasi heatahtliku muigega, nagu ikka laste naiivsete ärplemiste puhul kombeks. Ole mõnus.

ahvgepards, 2006-01-11 23:49:33

http://www.opleht.ee/Arhiiv/2000/26.05.00/dialoog/1.shtm

Selline vastus tuli:
The page cannot be found :DDD

aga iseenesest sa oled õigel teel, et vaja kirjandusega tutvuda, nii et loe kasvõi toynbeed, frazerit, kui klassikast rääkida, miksmitte ishmaeli, kui sind tsivilisatsioonide teke huvitab, mitte ainult seda, mis sa ise oled kirjutanud :)

priit kelder, 2006-01-11 23:53:17

Usklaste ülbus on ammutuntud asi, Ahvgepards. Kui see ainult avitaks neid piiratuid. Aga kui huvi on, võta ette Õpetajate lehe arhiiv. Sealt leiad nimetatud kuupäevast nimetuse all “Eestlaste usk ja uskmatus - müüdid ja tegelikkus” või midagi taolist.

Padre, 2006-01-12 00:23:17

Usklaste ülbus on ammutuntud asi, Ahvgepards. Kui see ainult avitaks neid piiratuid.

Kindlasti avitab neid ülbeid piiratuid see, kui malbelt piiramatu paraõpetlane neile kühvli ja ämbriga lahkesti pähe taob ja liiva suhu topib, sealjuures topskeid noomides, miks nood oma rumaluses argumenteeritult väidelda ei taha.

liivakastikaaslane, Padre, 2006-01-12 01:01:53

Me ju sinult õppinud pikka aega, kuda kühvliga pähe koksata ja liiva silma loopida.

Küllap priitki.
Mis siis on?
Enam ei meeldi nii ve?

Nado argumentõ i faktõ?

33338, 2006-01-12 06:34:34

juba teete kokkuvxttejd ja loette lajppu kokku. kass uus jura juba tulekul et tejjse tuppa ülekolida?

Toomashiva, 2006-01-12 06:42:47

Kuna täna jäi via-sse tulemisega hilja peale ja peab kohe Pirita poole suunduma hakkama, teeb täna kirjakohtade lugemise asemel oma valge hõlstiga suuri laksatusi ja ringe:

Vabrau.

Kabrau.

Purrsum!

Lilleke, panep kirjakoha, 2006-01-12 07:21:06

A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him some questions: “God, how long is a million years to you?” And God said, “A million years is like a minute.” Then the man asked, “God, how much is a million dollars to you?” And God said, “A million dollars is like a penny.” The man thought for a moment and asked, “God, will you give me a penny?” And God said, “In a minute.”
Nuts by The Fence

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucket full of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

“One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me.” He knew just what it was “Oh my,” he shuddered, “it’s Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

”Come here quickly," said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls. ”The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk. ”When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me...”The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin' the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord himself.” Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were unable to see anything.

The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, “One for you, one for me.” And one last - “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence, and we’ll be done.”

...They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.
Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert

Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book ... It’s called: “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.”
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice it. A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move.

The man doesn’t move.

The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash. The light turns yellow and the woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams profanity and curses at the man.

The man, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red.

The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection. As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman.

The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight. She complies, speechless at what is happening. After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of
the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car.

She turns, places her hands on the car roof and quickly is cuffed and hustled into the patrol car. She is too bewildered by the chain of events to ask any questions and is driven to the police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects.

He hands her the bag containing her things, and says, “I’m really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. Then I noticed the: ”Choose Life" license plate holder, the “What
Would Jesus Do” bumper sticker, the “Follow Me to Sunday School” bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. So, naturally . . . . . . . . I assumed you had stolen the car"
Mixed Messages

The Pope died and went to heaven. St. Peter asked, “What would you like to do your Highness.” The pope replied, “I would like to spend time in the Old Alexandria library and research the background of many of the messages I’ve received these many years.” No problem said St. Peter.

Two years went by and finally St. Peter looked it to see how the Pope was doing. He found the Pope rolling on the floor and screaming his head off. St. Peter asked what has caused all of this. The Pope replied, “The WORD is `Celebrate' NOT `Celibate.
A Visiting Hypnotist

Mrs. Smith attended a women’s meeting at her church and was amazed at the performance of a visiting hypnotist. When she went home that evening she told her husband how entertaining it had been.

Mr. Smith, thinking of how attendance had been way down at church lately, suggested that they ask the man to perform at their next service to help bring the people in. They asked and he accepted.

The following Sunday the church was packed. Everyone was most excited to see him perform. The hypnotist began by taking a watch from his pocket.” Everyone please watch the watch." He began swinging the watch slowly back and forth. “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch,” he told the congregation.

Suddenly the watch slipped from his hand and fell to the floor. “Shit!” he exclaimed.
Nuns at the Gates

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
He asks the first nun Sister Karen have you ever had any contact with a penis???
The nun giggles and replies, Well, once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St Peter says OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and
pass through the gate.

St Peter asks the next nun the same question, Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis? The nun is a little reluctant but replies, Well I once fondled and stroked one. St Peter says, OK dip your hand in the holy water and pass through the gate.

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns. One nun is pushing her way to the front. When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says,
Sister, Sister, what seems to be the rush? The nun replies, If I’m going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!

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Carpenters Son

Jesus was in His office one day, and His angel secretary came in and said “You know, you should get out into the world more so that people see more of you”. Jesus thought about that, and decided it would be a good idea. So, He closed His office and went down to earth. As he was walking around and visiting the people, He came into a village and saw a carpenters shop, so he went in. There was an old man behind the counter and Jesus stuck up a conversation with him. Jesus remarked that it was strange to see a carpenters shop in that small village. The old man explained. He said “I had a son, but he left one day and never returned. I figured that if I opened this carpenters shop - one day he would return. Jesus looked at the old man and said ”Father?" The old man squinted at Jesus and asked “Pinocchio?”
When does Life Begin

Three ministers were together one day and the subject of: When does life begin came up. The youngest said, “Life begins at conception.” Another said, “No, life begins at birth!” The old wise minister stated, “No life begins when the last child leaves home and the dog dies!”
A catholic boy and a Jewish boy

A catholic boy and a Jewish boy were talking and the catholic boy said, “My priest knows more than your rabbi.” The Jewish boy said, “Of course he does, you tell him everything.”

Actual church bulletins

Don’t let worry kill you let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Jones, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julian Jones.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, “Put me in my Little Bed” accompanied by the Pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Deceptive as Hell

Pat and Mike died. Pat, being the good guy all his life went to Heaven and started playing the harp on cloud 9. Day after day he played the harp. Finally he said to St. Peter, “I know Mike went to hell because he was such a bad guy all his life. Can I go visit him for just a short visit?” St. Peter said “This is very unusual but I’ll let you go just for a very short visit” Upon arrival in hell Pat found Mike sitting in a bar with a bottle of beer in his hand and a blond on his knee. “Wow, said Pat, you were so bad all your life and you end up like this and all I get to do is play a harp. This doesn’t seem fair.” “Hell” said mike, “Is not as good as it seems. You see this beer bottle has a hole in it’s bottom. And the blond doesn’t!”
Out Fishing One Day

Clergy, a Jewish Rabbi, a Catholic Priest and a Protestant minister, were all out fishing one day. After about an hour, the Rabbi got up in the boat and said “Guys I have to get something to drink .. I’ll be right back.” At which point he stepped out of the boat and walked across the water to shore, up the bank, and into the cabin. A few minutes later he came out of the cabin, walked down the bank, back across the water and got back into the boat. The Protestant minister was flabbergasted, but decided to say nothing.

Pretty soon the Catholic priest stood up and said “Guys I’m a little hungry ... I’m going to get a snack.” At which point he stepped out of the boat, walked across the water, up the bank, and into the cabin. A few minutes later he came out of the cabin, walked down the bank, and sure enough, walked back across the water and got back into the boat.

By this time the Baptist Minister was so shocked that he decided that he should do the same thing. He stood up and said “Guys I need to use the bathroom ... I’ll be right back”. At which point he stood up, stepped over the railing of the boat and into the water and sank like a rock.

The Rabbi then looked at the priest and said “Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were?”

Transportation Symbols

Three preachers went to heaven. St. Peter interviewed them. Seemed that transportation was a status symbol in heaven and you were issued a vehicle according to how good you were down on earth. Preacher number one had slept with more than a dozen of his congregation so he was issued a bicycle. Number two had only slipped twice so he was issued a Ford. The third one had never slipped so he got a Rolls Royce. Sometime later the first two preachers were talking when they spotted the Rolls Royce across the street. So they strolled over for a chat. They found the preacher crying. “What’s wrong?” they asked. The preacher said he had just seen his wife go by. “But that should make you happy.” they said. “But she was on a skate board!”
I should be thinking about the Hereafter

The minister came to see me the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the Hereafter. I told him, “Oh I do, all the time! No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself: now what am I here after?”
Great News

An elderly man bursts into a priest’s study and says, “ I’ve got to tell you this. I’m 80 years old and for the sixty years I’ve been married I never cheated on my wife. Then this sweet thing moved in next door and since then —WOW!” “How long has it been since your last confession ?” asks the priest. “ I’ve never been to confession. I’m Jewish” “ Then why are you telling me this?” “I’m TELLING everyone.”

30-40 Years

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it? God says “no” and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she has another 30-40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

God replies, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you

A Protestant minister in a Roman Catholic community

A Protestant minister moved into a Roman Catholic community. Every Friday he could be seen cooking steaks etc . Finally the people approached him and asked him to change to the Catholic Faith. He agreed to do this and after a while the Bishop anointed him with Holy water, sprinkling him three times and saying” In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy Ghost you are now a Catholic." The next Friday the man was outside Barbequing a roast of beef . the people protested to him, so he got some water, blessed it, and sprinkled it on the meat saying" In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost you are now fish"
Thank you Lord

I want to thank you Lord for being so close to me so far this day. With your help, I haven’t been impatient, lost my temper, been grumpy, judgmental or envious of anyone. I will be getting out of bed in a minute and I think I will really need your help then
A Confessional Box

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The priest says, “Is that you, Tommy?” “Yes, Father, it is I.” “Who was the woman you were with?” “I cannot tell you, for I do not wish to sully her reputation.” The priest asks, “Was it Brenda O'Malley?” “No, Father.” “Was it Fiona MacDonald?” “No, Father.” “Was it Ann Brown?” “No, Father, I cannot tell you.” The priest says, “I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Mary’s.” Tommy goes back to his pew and his buddy, Sean, slides over and asks, “What happened?” Tommy replies, “I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Mary’s and three good leads.”
Three tries and your out

When the water got to the farmer’s bottom windows, a neighbor rowed over to rescue him. The farmer declined, “Im a man of faith. God will save me.” When the waters rose to the second story windows another neighbor appeared in a motor boat. Again the farmer refused to be rescued. “I’m a man of faith. God will save me. ”Finally the man sat on top of the roof, a helicopter flew over and lowered a ladder. Once again the farmer declined. “I’m a man of faith I’m certain that God will save me. ”The next thing he knew the farmer found himself at the pearly gates. “What happened”? he moaned to St Peter. Why didn’t God save me?" St. Peter shook his head sadly saying, “ Listen here, we sent a rowboat, a motorboat and a helicopter.”
Jesus was an Irishman

."I can prove that Jesus was an Irishman because l. He was 30 years old before he left home. 2. He had no visible source of income. 3. He had 12 drinking buddies and 4..His mother thought he was God"
A Drunk in the Confessional

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, “May I help you, my son?” “I don’t know,” came the drunk’s voice from behind the partition. “You got any toilet paper on your side?”
Fallen

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “ If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen.” This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.” The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “ I don’t know what you’re laughing about, You’re wife fell three times this week.”
Archaeology

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a
cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of
appearance:
1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least
more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone
and had it brought to the museum where archeologists from all over the
world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after
months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of
the markings. The president of their society stood up and pointed at the
first drawing and said: “This looks like a woman. We can judge that this
race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell
they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were
smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing
looks like a shovel of
some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further
proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that if they
had a famine, whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea
for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means
they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically and the president smiled and
said, “I’m glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our
interpretations.”

Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, “I
object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite
simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don’t read from left to
right, but from right to left.......Now, look gain......It now says:

”Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that woman."

Lilleke, 2006-01-12 07:22:15

http://www.bitoffun.com/jokes.religon.htm

33338, 2006-01-12 07:26:28

Lilleke püstitas isikliku rekordi.

Lilleke, 2006-01-12 07:53:23

Püstitasin või?

33338, 2006-01-12 08:12:29

Lilleke, mxttle parem usskumisvastased ravimid vällja.

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